You know it's funny I am placing myself a a parent coach because 4 years ago I was just anti producing babies.
I used to say , why are we so gung ho on bringing children into the world? We can’t take care of ourselves let alone bring in innocent lives and then absolutely fail at the job. It’s absolutely selfish.
To which my husband would look at me bewildered and say, “ Fear Allah Iram, you are blessed with three of your own, how can you say that?"
To which I used to say, "If I knew what a horrible mother I would become I would never have yearned to be a mom.”
Many factors were the reason for this thought process.
Guilt, doubt and I was so angry with myself. I thought everything in life that I have done so far is just plain wrong….
No argument, no one could change my mind upon the thought of having children… I was sincerely confused looking at women getting pregnant left and right when all the time they were complaining about everything and everyone in their life.
I was like this is poison and you are bringing children into poison to become just like you
Don’t you have mercy?
some were “accidental” pregnancies and some were “maybe we will get better strategy"
Fast forward a few years..
I was at a friend’s house visiting them, in Islamabad, Pakistan.. I was not thinking about kids, or why we bring them into the world, I was just casually coming downstairs admiring the house….. when it hit me….
We need children … the purpose of this world was procreation, how can you forget that Iram?
The missing puzzle that you can't warp your head around is .. that every generation has to stand up, take the ownership of their wrong and prepare the next one with wisdom of their time..
whatever they learnt .. the rest is up to the children.. they will take some leave some and make new advices for the next one...
Why is it that Allah says…I will raise amongst you people…..
or I have brought generations who were ...
or people before you were punished and there is no sign of them ….
Look at humanity as packages…. (funny but stay with me for this one)
Each package is going to come with it’s misfits… good ones and bad ones ….its how they are responsible for preparing the next package is the entire challenge.
And so I changed.. my mindset about why should people even give birth .. disappeared…
I would say .. it’s not the child… its the adult .. and yes there will always be people who will break the child more than make him.. but comparatively Iram there will be more people who will try their best to bring up a better generation.
Become one of them .. who dies trying. What do you have to loose?
Your children are you direct Sadaqah Jariyah….
Just voice what you learn….
work on your children build the good product for the age and time they are sent for ….
Share with the world your struggles and the good aspects of change… everyone knows the bad… bring good news..
Tell people we aren't all bad..
believe that people humans arent bad..
we digress we lose our way our hearts get tarnished with pain and worry
but there is nothing wrong with them….
Show them that each and everyone of us has a capacity ..
to do good. …
if each person in their generation package made the effort…
imagine .. the good in the next one….
So I bacame who I am .. slowly .. very slowly in fact .. but I am moving ..
and if you have known me you know IrambintSafia is all about movement …
keep moving ..
keep taking small steps sometimes just sway from left to right….
but move, shift in thoughts .. from negative to positive
in words from mean to kind
in actions from disruptive to positive and constructive …
Movement is the key… the universe around us gives us that message…
Everything is in motion…. nothing stagnant …
It takes thousands and millions of years for nature to bring the formations we see today..
I often remind myself that in the Quran .. Allah Subhanahu Wa TALA told Musa Alhey aslam .. 4000 years ago Musa The Day of
judgment is arriving soon….
Everything since then has been moving… and eventually will come to the point when the sun will rise from the West…
Do you see what I am trying to say here?
Stagnancy is an unnatural process, and even if people think they are stuck they really are just moving in the wrong direction and hence unable to see positive results….
the choice is to move and move in the best direction ..
Stop being angry mama … you are made for better things..
let's embrace ourselves to become the agents of change.
Let’s build the new package kinder and smarter in terms of being confident God loving human beings..
what’s done is done…
Let’s make a new story.. a story of self love, forgiveness and aspiration.
Start with the I ..
I am … .. going to
I am …. grateful...
I am …..ready to…..
I am ….enough to move forward and …..
Keep writing… a line.. a word… but ink a page.. because not a day goes when the angles stop writing about us.. let’s get some inspiration from them :)
Ink the pages of your heart .. with lessons.. of kindness forgiveness, perseverance and keep turning them..
Iram.. a flawed human.. striving everyday just like you.