Weddings make me happy. I am not kidding when I say, that at any wedding, relatives or not, I genuinely feel motherly like for the couple. My heart fills with duas, my eyes with tears and my face is plastered with a continuous smile to the point where it starts aching.
I have proof!
The reality check
I was alwasy a dreamer. I dreamed of a home filled with love and happiness. A typical Hollywood, Bollywood, Disney fairytale.
The truth is, every story is filled with trials, errors, sadness, courage, conquering the odds and making the life journey worthwhile.
Parenting is the next part of this story:
We are procreating beings. Our purpose is to serve Allah Subhanahu Wa Tala and having children, progeny and students is a pathway that leads to our success in both dunya and Akhirah.
Some argue that only a biological parent can be given the status of being called a parent. Others understand that taking care of young lives and minds and forming and shaping them with kindness, love, appropriate child rearing tools and tending to their needs is also parenting. Sometimes, the barren wombs have been the most affectionate of parents in history.
Teachers, care takers are all an extension of parenting.
You are a parent, now what?
Be grateful for the honor: Understand your worth is much more that just a biological accomplishment. It's the reason of our existence. To leave a legacy of goodness.
Unlearn bad habits : We all think we know until we really know:) The theory of parenting is much more easier than the practice. It's a constant journey of self development.
Learn along the way: Use the tools around you to shape your parenting, Read, ask questions, keep your bank of knowledge updated.
You have a chance to create a difference: Our parenting ideology has a ripple effect in the society we live in. Parenting lessons have a life long effect on the kind of human beings we leave in the society.
We aren't perfect : But we can keep striving. For the sake of pleasing Allah Subhanahu Wa TALA, for creating a better world for our children.
Its a trial and error project: You will get it wrong, many times, trust me. I am saying this from experience. But there is always room for improvement.
Have faith in your God given abilities: Allah Subhanahu Wa Tala's wisdom has no bounds. Submit to His Will. Understand that it is from His infinite mercy that we have been blessed with children in our lives. Own this blessing and make the best of it.
We do not own our children: These beautiful souls, we fall in love with, call ours and proudly flaunt their accomplishments are a Trust from Allah Subhanahu Wa Tala. We don't own them. So be gentle, kind, mindful and proactive about how you raise them.
Kindness as a parent doesn't come naturally : I learned this over the years,I might be under the illusion that I am a kind person but upon reflection I would find out, how my words and actions have shaped my child's personality and thought process. I have to learn to be kind every day. I have to make a pact with my self to not intentionally hurt them physically, verbally consciously just because I can't have my way with them.
My childhood does not predict my parenthood, I can change the story: Science and research shows the correlation between an abusive childhood and that person's parenting skills. However research also shows that if we unlearn those abusive patterns, we are capable of giving oursleves as parents a better life. Our children better parents and the opportunity to live the childhood we never had. The one that is filled with God consciousness, gentleness, compassion and mercy.
A God conscious parent is Allah's friend: There are numerous examples of merciful and kind parenting through the teachings of our beloved Prophet SallAllah hu Alihye Wasalm. What a beautiful honor to be a parent and follow the footsteps of the most beloved being by Allah Subhanahu Wa TALA and through this practice becoming Allah's beloved.In Shaa Allah.
As a child, I hated to see my mother cry .She would cry alone at nights, in her sajud, to her Rab. I would ask her often, " Mama why do you cry? Does Allah hear you better when you cry?" She would smile and ruffle my hair, give me a kiss and say," Allah always hears you, even if you don't cry." " Then why do you cry mama?" Her response was, " Wait a few years and you will know"
And today I know. I cry out of love for my Rab, I cry because only He knows my heart and my struggles as a human and a parent. I cry because there are days where I doubt everything about myself and my parenting, except for Allah's plan.
I cry out of gratitude, to see my children healthy, learning and succeeding in life. I cry because He is Al Wadud, and only His love has no flaws. As a mother, I realize now, why my mother cried. It's a blessing, it's an honor , it's a life test, this parenting. Ya Rab allow me to succeed in it, guide me and protect me and my progeny, Ameen.