Let’s get a few facts straight
📍every child deserves love
(your definition of normal or special or difficult will show in your mannerism and attitude, so be genuine in loving all your children EQUALLY, specially when it’s difficult. If a child is easy for you to handle and that’s why you love them, then that’s not love, it’s being happy that you got an easy job.)
📍every child deserves security that their parent will protect them, understand them and not harm them
And harm comes in many forms :
Harming them by being negatively reactive, emotionally needy, not setting boundaries and limits, not practicing humility and Taqwa around them in day to day dealings with family, neighbors and friends, not being polite and kind to your spouse, by being cold and unresponsive emotionally, by being aggressive and harming them physically etc.
📍no two children will ever be the same and yet we unintentionally want xerox copies, one mold for all. That’s not fair to the child that has been gifted with endless possibilities into becoming a smart, God loving, kind individual completely capable of using his or he God gifted talent to serve humanity.
📍Parenting is humility for life. You are happy, you live by Alhamdulilallah, you are sad, Astaghfarullah will bring you solace, you feel pride, you go back to la ila ha ill Allah wa la haula wa la quwata illah billah.
📍parenting is a gift of responsibility,own it like an exam. The results will be out in Akhirah. This world is temporary, the phases of life can’t guarantee happiness or success or peace. And honestly not everyone’s success scale and measure are the same.
That brings us to an understanding: do not be miserable by comparing your parental success to others. Money, health, stability, are a breadth away from death. But sound morals, practicing good character, love of Allah, sincerity and honest life ethics in workplace and life have ever lasting results. Think, reflect and change for the later.
📍parenting is not just hard, it’s excruciatingly painful to those who have big egos. Loose the ego and half of the job is done. Learn to have a balance between supporting your children and crippling them morally and emotionally. Too much of anything kills. No parent should have expectations such that might suffocate the parent child bond. Do your own emotional auditing, that’s called Muraqabah.
📍you might not be a good parent, some people just have to work harder that others, just like school assignments! That’s ok. We all have our lifetime homework cut out for us. Start working on the human, maybe somewhere that human will become a good mentor and that’s all what parenting actually is, positive mentorship for life.
📍we do not own our children. They come from us but aren’t for us!
Let it sink .... you and I aren’t for our parents! We live most of our lives with our spouses or single, bringing up children and then leave the world.
Who did we really live with? Who did we really serve?
When we are children, we are all about our future. What, when, who and how circulate in our minds and our struggles.
When married we are about building a stable home. Sadly, often we loose sight of the emotional home .. and work on bricks and wood.
When parents we are about raising children
When old we are about .. things and matters we gave most of our energy, sincerity and youth too.
So who did we live with? And who did we live for?
We pray that
We live with the understanding:
We have a job to do.. let’s do it right or try our best at least
We live for:
Attaining Allah Subhanahu Wa Tala’s pleasure and love.
Easier said than done. Agreed. But nevertheless it needs to be done.
Everything is intertwined, relationships, struggles, happiness, success, failure and worries.
But when the objectives and goals are clear, all paths lead in the same direction.....
Allah’s Rida, Akhirah and Jannah.
So make dua! Begin with the end in mind....
Ya Rab when I will be brought before you.... may You smile at me and out of Your mercy forgive me, for only You know how sincerely I worked towards this moment, giving my best, I tried.
AnAnd then they lived forever in Jannah al Firdous!
The end 🌹