I have fought, consciously, the urge to not make my children happy, for the past few weeks. It is such an odd statement to begin with. But I have, found some clarity to my parental anxiety in taking this deliberate action.
Hear me out!
Happiness is when ……..( and then we fill it up with simple life pleasures)
Drinking soda/ tea / coffee with friends.
Simple right? What about happiness is trying to eat healthy with friends?
Ok not equally pleasing but it accounts to something.
Ok let’s make it a little less happy
Happiness is …….. giving up your guilty pleasure for a better night sleep.
happiness is getting over a bad habit … .
after overcoming the self blame/ self doubt etc etc
yes it is a good feeling but how many of us get to it? If we do, how many of us sustain it? If we do, how many of us empower others with the same skill set?
I have come to the conclusion that main stream sublime messages are tied to happiness as a short term effect.
One drink, One trip of a lifetime, one culture… it’s either or and towards a one time only kind of a thing….. . or until the next time …
Technically it makes sense, who wants to keep drinking tea and soda with their friends all the time. We want to do other things too right!
What about things that require hard work, focus, resilience, failures , success.
Don’t they bring happiness?
No .. only
DESIRED RESULTS DO.
But who told us what the desired result should look like?
Who made that blueprint?
Is it written in stone?
Is my happiness money, power, name and in the end contentment the only thing to work for?
Let’s talk about how stopping myself from making my children happy all the time made me and our relationship sane.. saner!
She likes Dr. Pepper, in fact her eyes light up every time she sees it. And now subconsciously I light up each time I see a that specific soda brand, not for me but for her.. My hand starts moving towards the bottle… Oh she will be so happy!
But wait , will her body be that happy ?
Will her mental health be happy, longterm?
Will her self esteem be happy, due to all that sugar intake resulting in weight gain…
Oh happiness, why do you turn out so ugly?
Well actually, it’s the ugly that we have wrapped in the sparkling paper of happiness. Poor happiness has nothing to do with simple or complex things.
Hence I conclude happiness is fluid, it comes and goes as it pleases. It is easy to attain and difficult to maintain.
The more we pursue it the more miserable we become as happiness is not a one stop thing.
It’s a flowing emotion, adaptable, perceivable, measurable too.
You can’t own it, retain it or gift it. It’s your to observe and be humble with it.
What makes us happy should not be tied to how others will accept us but how we are making good thoughtful long term positive connections with ourselves, out families our world.
I hope you find your happy today and everyday for the right reasons with the right people, Ameen.